Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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