He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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