I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
