I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We are all done wearing pants today
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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