My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
