i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
