Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
