uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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