And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
