i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
