Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
