I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
