listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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