Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
