i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
