We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
