my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
