Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
