i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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