so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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