I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
