my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
