Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
