It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
