I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My feet surprised me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
