haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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