you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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