Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I checked into jail on foursquare
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
