theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
