did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Green mimosas i think yes
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
