Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
