i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
