We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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