he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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