Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
