well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
