Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
