I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
