I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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