K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He did a backflip because drugs
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