i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
