My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
