And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
