I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
