you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
