I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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