Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
