Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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