I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
