Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
