so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
